TV Weather News

Tags

driving, snow, weather reports

First, they tell you it’s going to snow.

Then, they tell you it’s snowing.

Finally, they tell you it snowed.

They say don’t drive because the roads are bad while they are driving on said bad roads.

You don’t need a weatherman to tell which way the wind blows.

Parking Lots

Tags

cars, courtesy, driving, idiots, parking lots

Now that we’re all back driving again I’d like to point out a new and exciting way to thread your way through a parking lot at your local supermarket.

It’s a new game and anyone can play – I call it:

” The Parking Lot Cut Across Lanes Without Looking Slalom Game.”

It’s fun and easy.

Here’s how it works. You simply drive to your local large parking lot, you know the ones with lanes clearly marked, stop signs and shopping cart return islands.

Then ignoring all decorum, politeness and simple courtesy you pull in and out of parked cars seemingly at random but you know where you’re going – OR do you?

You don’t need a destination. Why wait at those silly stop signs? Yields are for sissies. And merge, my middle name is merge and I’m going first.

Honestly, why look left and then right and then straight ahead when all you need to do is blast forward in a straight line. At the sight of a Nissan Armada folks will get out your way abandoning their groceries, kids, walkers and canes while they dive for cover. Besides, in your car/tank you’re sitting a good six feet off the road anyway. You won’t get hurt.

It’s fun, it’s easy and since most cars are made of plastic anyway – no harm, no foul.

Driving was more fun when no one else was on the road.

We’ve returned to pre-pandemic levels of traffic, rudeness and outright aggressive driving.

Oh, and if you come up behind while I’m at a red light, I’m no longer turning right on red since I got nowhere to go and all day to get there.

A Big Yellow Mustang

Tags

California, cars, driving, Gordon Lightfoot

With apologies to Joni and her old man.

Spell check thought I was going for Big Yellow Mustard but I said no so fast buster.

I recently spoke over the FB pages to a friend who is on her way to Los Angeles, not for the World Series ( Trademark registered, MLB & all rights reserved) but for a vacation and a drive from southern California to northern California and San Francisco.  I suggested she keep driving until she got stopped at the Canadian border.

I also suggested that her rental car ought to be a ( see title ) A Big Yellow Mustang with 6 on the floor and my reasoning is the following:

How many times are you going to get to do something like this??????

I say go for seven or eight on the floor, make sure it’s a convertible too.

I once made the drive from San Francisco to Arcata, CA and if my fuzzy brain recalls correctly I rented a manual transmission in a dark blue Opel.

I’m open to suggestions to correct my faulty memory as to if Opels existed in California in the 1980’s and if they were part of rental stock.  Those were the days.

I should have kept driving to the Canadian border and told the border agents that I knew Gordon Lightfoot and I was on my way to see him perform.

I bet if my friend plays the GL card she gets into Canada no sweat.

 

I Went Somewhere Last Night but I Don’t Know Where I Was, How I Got There OR How I Got Back Home

Tags

driving, GPS

Sounds like the lead in or a set up for a three day blackout bender of a weekend but no.

The big band played a gig in East Greenville last night which is somewhere up there  – motions up and to the right.  Originally we were booked into Red Hill but the gig was switched  to the fire hall in in East Greenville.

As I said, I sorta knew where East Greenville was but not really.  GPS to the rescue.

I plugged in the address, got the driving directions and was off.  Forty eight miles, arrive in 1 Hour, 17 minutes.  Easy enough.  I’m on the road but I really don’t know where I’m going.  My faith in the GPS unit is unflinching and I suppose that’s how people drive off cliffs or into lakes.

” Go right on Lakeside Drive, turn at the boat ramp and go straight.”  Glug, glug.

I informed one of my bandmates about my lost in space predicament and he proceeded to draw me a map in the air  waving his arms .  ” Allentown is here and Pottstown is here and so East Greenville would be right about where my nose is.”  I get my Potts mixed up, we could have been near Pottsville.

During the drive I saw to my amazement a sign for the Tacony Palmyra Bridge which I though was way over there near his left ear.

We play the gig, I’m dialed in and the date goes well.

I load out, punch in ” Go Home” and  the GPS says turn right on Quakertown Road only it says Quackertown and of course Reading is pronounced as Reeding.  I wonder how the GPS does with Ypsilanti?

The funny thing is that the brains in the GPS take me home on a different route and amazingly it’s still only 1 hour and 17 minutes.  How can this be?  Have I drifted in to Einstein’s Time Space E=MC squared theory?  Am I bending time and space?  Do I have Marty McFly’s GPS?

I observe the speed limit so there’s no way I’m going 186,000 miles a second.  It’s a 10 year old Subaru – come on.

I went somewhere last night,  got there ( somewhere)  and got home.

Go figure.

 

 

 

A Word or Two about Words OR Old Man Yells at Cloud

Tags

brains, cars, commercials, driving, free advice, observations, phones

When you are a fan of the National Pastime on the radio as I am you get get used to being flooded, bombarded and inundated with commercials.

Today’s lesson kids is about car commercials.

Recently I’ve noticed and maybe this goes back further than I can recall but marketing cars today has spawned some strange new words and phrases that I’m not entirely familiar with although I was able to figure out who’s who and what’s what.  For example:

Car company A has an auto that carries onboard Lane Drift Alerts.  Stay in your lane buddy or there will be consequences.

Company B preaches the wonderfulness of a “Pedestrian Avoidance” system and not be outdone it also has some kind of gizmo called ” Collision Alert.”

So, basically your new Oldsmobile is a riding and rolling radar unit emitting who knows what kind of gamma and x-rays in all directions to make sure you don’t run over anyone or smack into that Pierce-Arrow that just slammed on the brakes in front of you.

Maybe there should be a ” Put down your cell phone” minder in the car too which would alleviate the need for all the above mentioned gadgets and wizardry.

Oh yeah, turns out we also have our own onboard pedestrian alert, lane drift and collision avoidance system already built in.

It’s called your “Brain” so open your eyes, put down the phone and take those buds out of your ears Bud.

And now back to Ted and Larry with the play by play…

 

The Ultimate in Window Tinting

Tags

car, driving, window

We’ve all seen the unfortunate results of a car with a side window busted out.  The owner of the car resorts to patching the hole with duct tape and a trash bag to keep out the elements.

I saw a car this morning with the passenger window missing and the usual trash bag fix applied.

What made this particular remedy a bit dicey is that the trash bag was not clear plastic but jet black in color and still installed where the passenger window used to be while the car and it’s driver were negotiating traffic on West Walnut Street.

Kinda limits your peripheral vision I’d say.  I got away from that car  as quickly as I could being sure not to make any sudden movements.  Of course, how would the other driver know?

Don’t try this at home or on the road especially when I’m in the lane next to you.

 

Taking Texting and Driving to a Whole New Level

Tags

cellphones, driving, texting

This is a true story.  I say this because I was there and witnessed it with me own two eyes.

I’m driving down Pleasure Road (yes, that’s really the name of the street) on my way to the supermarket minding my own business.  In my rear view mirror I see a woman with a cellphone mounted on the dashboard of her car.  It’s vertical so I know it’s a phone and I think, OK – she’s using it as a gps unit.

Then I see her looking at the phone and talking to it.  I realize she is Facetiming while driving.  This is interesting but not good.

NOT only is she using Facetime, she is communicating with the face on the other end of the line with ASL.  American Sign Language !

Now, when you use ASL your hands are pretty busy.  When you are driving a car your hands are pretty busy too.  So, doing the math – where are your hands if you are using ASL when you are driving?  That’s right – NOT on the steering wheel.

At this point I switch lanes and get out of her way as she motors up Rt. 501 still gesturing at the phone.  I hope it was important.

 

 

Texting and Driving

Tags

cellphones, driving, texting

Hey folks – A variation on the theme.  I am not making this up.  

File under : Accident waiting to happen.  

I’m tooling down on the road when I notice in my rearview mirror the following:

    A woman driving a Honda Element.  So far so good.

    Cell phone mounted on the dashboard facing her.  People do that all the time for maps, gps, etc…Nothing unusual yet.

    She is Facetiming while driving.  This is starting to get interesting.  She is making eye contact with her phone while we’re both moving.  This is starting to get dangerous.

    She is Facetiming on the phone AND using ASL.  She is signing for a hearing impaired person at the other end of the cellphone.  This is really starting to get dangerous because not only is she not paying attention she doesn’t have her hands on the steering wheel.

    She is clearly not giving much attention to her driving or the car in front of her, namely me, so I change lanes and get way out of the way before I become an unpleasant statistic and have my whole day ruined.

Sometimes too much technology can be a bad thing.