Yes I know it’s a thing of the past.
Yes I know hardly anyone gets bill in the mail anymore.
Yes, Yes, and Yes.
Except me and a certain phone company that supplies a landline and DSL to my house via copper wire.
Recently, this now media giant tells me via email that I am no longer to receive paper bills in the mail, that all my billing will be online and that I better sign sign up before it’s too late baby.
That would be a no on my part.
Reading the email of impending doom I click on the proper links to request a paper bill. That link takes me to my Vzzzzzzzz account which I don’t really have because I never set it up but I play along until it asks for my user name and password which I don’t have because I never set up an account.
I search the website in vain for a phone number to call because after all it’s the friggin’ phone company and one would think the phone company would list it’s own phone number on it’s own phone company website but you would be thinking wrong.
I Yoogle ( Yahoo and Google) the number and call.
It takes me 7 minutes of listening robot girl telling me I can avoid waiting on hold if I download her app or leave a callback number to set up an appointment call. No and no.
I used to pay this bill in person at the Bell of Pennsylvania office back when it was Bell of Pennsylvania.
I finally get an offshore person who guides me through the process of remaining not paperless.
A side note – For some unknown reason I am annually granted a $5 discount on my bill which expires every December and then I have get back on the horn, wait 7 – 10 minutes before I talk to a real person and request my discount once again.
Another side note – A phone book gets plopped on front steps on Wednesday.
I have read thicker comic books because almost everyone who used to have a home phone number has ditched it except me because the landline is married to the DSL and they can’t ever, not not ever get divorced unless I yank them both out and sign up with another amorphous and evil and monolithic cable monopoly.
Side note – My paper bill arrived in the US mail yesterday. I will pay it with a paper check that I put into a paper envelope with forever stamp proudly affixed to the upper right hand corner where it says affix stamp here as the post office will not deliver this without proper postage.
I wouldn’t either.