I seem to have my ears tuned to words and phrases you normally don’t hear spoken in the same sentence.  Take the title, for example.

I was loading out a show ( still being a stagehand and all) and I noticed a large flat box with about a half dozen doughnuts in a container that easily could hold twice that number.

Never one to pass up a free treat I asked no one in particular if those doughnuts had arrived today.  The reply from someone who knew was that they were Yesterday’s Doughnuts.

I draw a line at any food that’s been sitting out for over 24 hours but several of my fellow stagehands ( musicians are worse when it comes to free leftovers – I know, I speak from personal experience) apparently and in fact have no such compunctions as the remaining and day old doughnuts were gone by the time we loaded the truck and left the hall.

I mean it’s not like anyone was eating raw cookie dough or anything like that.  People eat raw fish and other not cooked seafood.

I do confess to one time at a load out after a party for the local hoi-polloi there was a stack of what we called “Seven Dollar Cupcakes.” As in seven bucks apiece at least.  We were looking at a hundred dollar stack of treats.  Stagehands tend to develop a keen sixth sense about what’s good, what’s not good, what is still edible and what’s not.

These cupcakes fell into the “We better eat these before the owners come back” category.

The pastries were only a couple of hours old and had been abandoned by their previous owners because those previous owners were way too drunk to remember their own names let alone how much really expensive food they had left behind.

Previous owners.  There’s another one.  Like previously owned cars.  Really.

Previously owned means used as in used cars.  Think of them as previously abused autos or previously enjoyed.

One more – At NASCAR races the teevee talkers will say that a driver or drivers involved in an on track mishap are taken to and checked out at the Infield Care Center.

It’s an EMERGENCY ROOM that’s what it is.  But Care Center sounds so much more benign and like something the gang in marketing cooked up.

” Yup, they loaded up Bobby Whomever in the ambulance and took him straight to the ER.”  Not good.

” Gave him a lift to the Care Center.”  There you go.  No muss, no fuss.

Finally, a brief conversation with a friend this afternoon.  The topic escapes me but the guy pleaded ignorance as in ignorance is bliss.

I say ignorance will not hold up in a court of law.  I used to watch ” Law and Order” and Perry Mason is back on the  tube.

And he says, this is a beaut, he says, ” How about a quart of beer?”

I got nothing.

I scramble, keg, ale, my mind is racing and eventually I end up at the Infield Care Center Emergency Room with a bad case of Yesterday’s Doughnuts.