The words ” I am and I’m” are not happy. When asked about the reason for their unhappiness ” I’m” spoke for both of them.
” We’re being phased out of business” said the unhappy pronoun. ” Hardly anyone uses us anymore in the Twitter world. Our usage has fallen off the charts”
” It’s all because Twitter has a finite number of spaces to offer, which, and I have this on good authority they could easily increase to include me and my buddy.”
” How many Tweets do you read that start with ” Proud to stand with Joe, or Blessed to have Ed as my friend or Happy to be at the local bar/ coffee shop/ whatever? All of them I tell you and where are I am or I’m? We are nowhere to be found.”
” The word blessed used to be only a church word. It was very happy as such and now it’s thrown around like a rag doll. We worked long and hard to get our positions of authority at the beginning of declarative sentences and now look. Zap, we’ve vanished.”
When asked how I am and I’m could regain their lofty status once more I am merely sighed and said, ” Well, I can always find work on bags of dog food but I have to be all capitals and add an S to make it work. I’m is out of luck.”
Finally, both words issued a joint statement asking Twitter to submit to an arbitration hearing chaired by the book “The Elements of Style.” They were not optimistic.
” You have to wonder who is next to go” said I’m noting that ” The word Your besides being confused with yore and you’re was running for it’s life from UR.”
” It’s a travesty. Who is this ur guy? He’s a word made up solely for convenience because people are lazy and cheap. Ur is from ancient Babylonia or someplace like that. Ur is a place.”
” You’ll miss us when we’re gone said I’m. I am agreed. Now, please excuse us while we update our Facebook page.”