Or things I wish I’d said…
Sometimes when you check into a hotel there is a letter on the pillow from the staff welcoming you to their humble establishment detailing the amenities available and generally hoping that you will enjoy your stay.
Here is one that is better left unsaid but certainly not unread:
Hey kids, Welcome home for Christmas. We’re glad that you decided to share Christmas with us since you both pretty much don’t live here anymore with your busy lives and careers. Just a few ground rules as things have changed since you left.
As the provider of your cell phones and the free local wi-fi I must insist on the following: Do not take you phone or any other mobile device into the bathroom with you. No texting on the toilet, conversing on the can or surfing while…There are three other people living here so get in and get out.
While I’m on the subject of bathrooms please limit your shower time to 5 minutes. I understand that your respective institutions of higher learning have gazillion gallon hot water heaters but here in our humble abode it’s a different story. Besides, hot water don’t grow on trees. ( Note – bad grammar for emphasis.)
You may notice that the garbage can in the kitchen is still in the same location, it still gets filled to overflowing and I still seem to be pretty much the only one who empties it. Let’s all see if we can give the old man a break for a week and show some initiative by emptying the trash WITHOUT being told.
Since neither of you is nine years old anymore when you you come upon a pile of cat puke please don’t say Eeww and walk around it. You are an adult so get a paper towel and clean it up. This will be especially important as the cats will begin drinking Christmas tree water which is wonderful for their digestive systems.
Feel free to use the cars but also feel free to use your out of state debit and credit cards to put gas into those cars. We have gas stations now in Pennsylvania like we always have had and guess what ? Your credit and cash is good.
The last person going to bed at night should turn off the outside Christmas lights. Since that will most likely be one of you I don’t want to wake up in the morning and see the lights still blazing. Otherwise I will turn off the lights when I go to bed at 7, just kidding. Electricity don’t grow on trees. See above.
The dishwasher still does not empty itself. Take note. Nor does it load itself nor does it run itself.
The house is at a comfortable and affordable temperature. If you are chilly put on a sweater. Heat don’t…
While your esteemed university may have a fully paid custodial staff your esteemed home does not.
One last note – Since you both are adults I have to say that after almost 50 years as an adult I’m tired of being one or acting like one. I’m not sure what I mean by that but I think it’s pretty exciting and great way to look at life.
There’s no place like home for the holidays, within reason.