Hey, got a minute? It’s me Christmas and my buddy the New Year. We’re known collectively as ” The Holidays” and some of you are saying it in the tone of voice you use when you talk about your In Laws or taxes or that guy down the street you can’t stand.
Me and the New Year are not responsible for your holiday stress and frankly we’re tired of taking the rap for a mess that you people have created. Simply put we’re in favor of Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men and starting the New Year with a clean slate. That’s about it.
We have no hidden agenda here. We don’t care about gift giving. We care even less about shopping and all the nonsense that goes along with it. That’s the source of your stress you knuckleheads.
Look what you’ve done to our dear friend Thanksgiving. He’s over there in the corner afraid of his own shadow. Once he was a noble day of remembrance and you’ve turned him into a nervous wreck. We’ve always liked the idea of you and your families getting together for a nice meal.
But then this Black Friday thing came along and now stores are open on Thanksgiving afternoon and the poor guy doesn’t know where to turn. Really, is money that important to you ?
Those folks who are working and making minimum wage have to put in 12 hour and longer shifts on a day where they should be at home with their feet up thinking about turkey leftovers.
Thanksgiving is a wreck and it will only get worse as Black Friday becomes Black Thanksgiving Week. Give the guy a break. We’re all thankful for Halloween being the only thing between Labor day and us, ” The Holidays.’
We do like the concept of Santa. He is real. We should know and honestly there isn’t a Mercedes Benz within a thousand miles of the North Pole.
And honestly some of your holiday music is plain dreck. There should be a law that it can’t be played on the radio until after Thanksgiving. You got lawmakers and legislators don’t you? Really, Grandmas getting run over.
The lights and trees inside your homes are a nice touch but it’s time to stop lighting up your houses so they are visible from space. Enough already.
We don’t want to hear it anymore. Our agenda is the same as it’s always been from the beginning. Take care of one another. When you’re hungry you won’t be able to eat your flat screen tv no way, no how and frankly is there anything good to watch on it anyway? No, we didn’t think so.
Here’s our wish for you for the Holidays from the Holidays (us).
Slow down, take a breath and look around. Instead of worrying about the Island of Misfit Toys try being concerned about your planet of misfit people. You’ve got lots of them. Their holiday stress is no different than their everyday stress. It’s a struggle every day for them not to fall through the cracks.
Thanksgiving needs a break, we all need a break. Stop putting so much emphasis on things.
Thanks, I feel better and speaking for myself and the New Year we’d like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
When’s the first day of Spring?