Six Dozen Chocolate Chip Cookies

Tags

chocolate chip cookies, dog

Had a conversation with a friend today about how his dog ate six dozen chocolate chip cookies on Christmas Eve.

Maybe this is not the time nor place to recount what happened except that the dog is now banned in three Pennsylvania counties based on the aftermath of eating 72 chocolate chip cookies in one sitting.

My Year In Review – Part Two

I’m still here.

My Year In Review

Everyone wants to look back and review 2014.

My local newspaper, WordPress, Facebook, my credit card company, Barbara Walters with the ” Most Ridiculous People of 2014″ and on and on.

Here is my year in review.

I ran a lot.  I played my guitar and sang a lot.  I made some new friends and lost some old ones.

Smiled a lot but should have smiled more.

There’s a 2015 resolution in there somewhere.

The Name Game

Shirley, Shirley, Bo Birley, Banana Fana, Fo Shirley…Sorry, wrong name game.

I’m watching the tube the other day with no particular channel destination in mind when I come across something called ” The Celebrity Name Game.”

And for the life of me I can’t tell who the celebrity contestants are, i.e., people who are not like you and me nor can I tell who the non-celebrity contestants are, i.e., people who are like you and me.

And when a ” Celebrity’s” name is flashed on the screen I don’t know who that person is either.

Maybe I need to watch ” The Apprentice.”

The Best Part About Being A Runner

Tags

Running

Well, maybe the absolute best part but…

Ever notice that maybe a couple of days after a good run that you seem to have spring in your step that wasn’t there before?  You might even find yourself bounding up two steps at a time when yesterday it was a slog just to drag your sorry behind up a flight of stairs.

It’s like you get an invisible push and the sensation is certainly and absolutely a great physical feeling.  It’s your last run paying off.

I’ve always thought that the shape you are in now, today, at the present is the result of a run you had 10 days ago.  The payoff for today’s run will be in about a week and a half.

So, even if you had a so – so run and you think that you’ve regressed – fear not.  Today’s run pays it forward and how cool is that?

Very cool.

 

 

 

A Christmas Message

Tags

Black Friday, Christmas, holidays, New Years, Santa, Spring, stress, Thanksgiving

Hey, got a minute?  It’s me Christmas and my buddy the New Year.  We’re known collectively as ” The Holidays”  and some of you are saying it in the tone of voice you use when you talk about your In Laws or taxes or that guy down the street you can’t stand.

Me and the New Year are not responsible for your holiday stress and frankly we’re tired of taking the rap for a mess that you people have created.  Simply put we’re in favor of Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men and starting the New Year with a clean slate.  That’s about it.

We have no hidden agenda here. We don’t care about gift giving.  We care even less about shopping and all the nonsense that goes along with it.  That’s the source of your stress you knuckleheads.

Look what you’ve done to our dear friend Thanksgiving.  He’s over there in the corner afraid of his own shadow. Once he was a noble day of remembrance and you’ve turned him into a nervous wreck.  We’ve always liked the idea of you and your families getting together for a nice meal.

But then this Black Friday thing came along and now stores are open on Thanksgiving afternoon and the poor guy doesn’t know where to turn.  Really, is money that important to you ?

Those folks who are working and making minimum wage have to put in 12 hour and longer shifts on a day where they should be at home with their feet up thinking about turkey leftovers.

Thanksgiving is a wreck and it will only get worse as Black Friday becomes Black Thanksgiving Week.  Give the guy a break.  We’re all thankful for Halloween being the only thing between Labor day and us, ” The Holidays.’

We do like the concept of Santa.  He is real.  We should know and honestly there isn’t a Mercedes Benz within a thousand miles of the North Pole.

And honestly some of your holiday music is plain dreck.  There should be a law that it can’t be played on the radio until after Thanksgiving.  You got lawmakers and legislators don’t you? Really, Grandmas getting run over.

The lights and trees inside your homes are a nice touch but it’s time to stop lighting up your houses so they are visible from space.  Enough already.

We don’t want to hear it anymore.  Our agenda is the same as it’s always been from the beginning.  Take care of one another.  When you’re hungry you won’t be able to eat your flat screen tv no way, no how and frankly is there anything good to watch on it anyway?  No, we didn’t think so.

Here’s our wish for you for the Holidays from the Holidays (us).

Slow down, take a breath and look around.  Instead of worrying about the Island of Misfit Toys try being concerned about your planet of misfit people.  You’ve got lots of them.  Their holiday stress is no different than their everyday stress.  It’s a struggle every day for them not to fall through the cracks.

Thanksgiving needs a break, we all need a break.  Stop putting so much emphasis on things.

Thanks, I feel better and speaking for myself and the New Year we’d like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

When’s the first day of Spring?

 

 

 

 

While Me And My Guitar Gently Weep

Tags

Christmas songs, Guitars, probably

Most of what follows may or may not have happened.  It falls into my own personal writing category of non-fiction-fiction or stuff I like to make up and write because it sounds funny and goodness knows we all could use a good laugh every now and again.

It’s my Blog and I’ll lie if I want to, lie if I want to.  You would lie too if you had a Blog too.

Thanks, Pete for the title inspiration.

Last night I was booked to play at a local retirement community to sing and play  songs of the season for the residents.  A one hour engagement, me and my guitar sitting on a stool in front of a fireplace (fake) warbling Christmas.

There is a whiteboard mounted on an easel in the area announcing the day’s events.  It reads thusly: ( All Times EST, check your local listings)

9:10 – Devotions                                                                                                     9:30 – Flex n’ Stretch                                                                                             10:30 – Men’s Carolers                                                                                             2 pm – Christmas Chorus rehearsal                                                                           7pm – Phil and his Guitar

I sold the evening as ” Phil’s Acoustic Jazz Christmas ” just so there is no mistake in what I’m going to be doing. More on that obvious faux pas later.  I’m closing the show.  Does that make me the headliner?  Move over Bruce, there’s a new kid in town.

I arrive early for the 7 pm start since in my world ” On Time Is Late” and by 6:30 a small crowd begins to arrive.  Small as in two people but hey, an audience is an audience and I’m working for them so it’s ok.

I chat with the early arrivals and play a couple of tunes to warm up and get a handle on how I’m feeling vocally and musically.  Vocally, I got nothing but since I’m not working with a mic or a sound system I can probably get away with what I got.

One resident tells me that she used to play the VibraHarp.  I don’t know what that is.  Is it like a xylophone or a marimba?  No, it’s a Vibraharp I’m told in no uncertain terms.  I’m sensing hostility but I brush it off.  I still don’t know what it is and frankly after this exchange I don’t care and I press on.

Early arrival number two has fallen asleep in an overstuffed chair.  Not surprising given that the room, the entire facility is warmed to around 85 degrees.  It’s pretty cozy. Think Miami in July wearing sweaters.

A Girl Scout troop wanders the halls mumbling Christmas Carols and passing out candy canes.  The kids look like they wish they were somewhere else.  I’m about to know the feeling.

By 6:50 the joint is packed.  Well, there are 5 more people which is enough to cause the area to now be standing room only.  It’s an intimate setting and that’s fine with me.  No flat screen tv’s to compete with or other distractions other than the nurses who circulate through the area on their appointed rounds.

I decide to start early but I’m nervous because I know that I don’t have enough material to last a full 60 minutes since I have already played a handful of songs.  It’s Christmas – what could possibly go wrong?  Oh Phil, ye of little faith.

I may have to repeat some tunes and judging from the snarkiness the guests are exhibiting towards each other I’m fearing a riot.

Think ” Mean Girls” only with walkers.

Throwing caution to the wind I open with ” We Need a Little Christmas” from the Broadway show ” Mame”  and then launch into ” It’s Beginning to look a lot like Christmas.”  I have seriously thought out the set and figure to build through the hour ending with ” White Christmas.”

The sleeper wake up and leaves.  She gets a look of disgust from the Vibraharp lady. Then VH woman starts in on the tree decorations – ” It’s all same color – they could have at least added some red or blue.”  I think the decor looks great.  It’s tasteful and probably not cheap.  Whatever.

With one eye on the clock and the other on my music I truck on the through the set list taking time to talk about Perry Como, Bing Crosby, Mel Torme, Gene Autry and Burl Ives all of whom I’m covering tonight.  It’s the 1950’s all over again.

I get to 7:45 and the end of my list.  I repeat a couple of tunes but I’m still short.  I head for home with ” I Got Rhythm”, ” All of Me” and ” Lady Be Good.”  It’s all good.  I get nice feedback and the folks really like the old songs.  So do I.

Finally, it’s almost over.  One woman tells me that she has enjoyed herself and she hasn’t heard some of these songs sung live in years.  She is sincere and I appreciate her compliment.

I play an encore or two and the room clears except for a woman who showed up halfway through the set.  She apologizes for being late so I do a couple of tunes – just me and her and she really seems to appreciate my effort.  She tells me the same story  about her mother four times.

One fellow hangs around and says ” I thought you were going to sing Christmas songs?”

“What? ”

” Yeah, I was waiting for ” Joy the World” and those kinds of Christmas songs.”  He is  clearly disgusted with me and my choice of material.  Oh well. At least I didn’t play     ” Grandma got run over ” or “Dominck the Donkey”

Look those up at your own peril.  You have been warned.

It’s the perfect ending to a perfect day.

The perfect ending to the perfect day gets better.  The check which was supposed to waiting for me at the front desk is nowhere to be found.  ” If it’s not here it probably got mailed.”  “Probably” is not the word I want to hear since it really means maybe or maybe not or maybe it doesn’t even exist yet.  I do know that I’m probably weeks away from getting paid.

The only way the day could end more perfectly is with a dead car battery but when I turn the key in the car with the dying radio the wagon starts like a champ.

I’m off into the cold mid-December night to watch Darlene Love sing for the last time on Letterman.

On the show Jay Thomas kills me with his Lone Ranger story ( you should watch it yourself on YT)  and Darlene knocks ” Christmas, Baby Please Come Home” right out of the park.

Geez – I would love to be in that band just for one night.

And to all a Goodnight.

 

 

 

You Say You Want A Resolution?

Tags

chocolate, Piano lessons, resolutions, Running

Sometimes I get too cute for my own good but I’m getting a jump on the resolution rush now before the new year begins.  All the good ones will be gone and I’ll be stuck with ones like making sure the lawn is mowed on a regular basis or flossing regularly or taking out the trash without being reminded.  I’m pretty good about the trash and the recyclables.  Flossing – not so much.

Eat more chocolate.

Goals – Running?  Remain upright and keep moving forward.  No PR’s or records to set.  Definitely run a marathon in the fall, probably Philadelphia again.  It’s fast, it’s flat and and easy train ride from out here in Amish country.

Maybe add a spring marathon too.  That’s a maybe but certainly doable.  In any case training for a fall marathon keeps me focussed and out of trouble from late June through November.

Eat More chocolate.

Learn new guitar chords – mostly those in the Major ninth family.  Also in the music scene play more and more and more and dust off the piano.  Pianos and guitars mix very well together in one’s musical brain.  Piano lessons again ?  That’s a possibility too.

And for anyone who is well into their adult lives I would say that there is no age limit on when you can start taking lessons.  I started piano lessons when I was 50 years old.  My piano teacher was 80.  We made a great pair.  She taught me Bach.  I wanted to learn ” Linus and Lucy.”  She taught me that too.

Piano has a long learning curve but why not?  Anything worth doing well does doesn’t it?

Eat More Chocolate.

More goals? Well, I seem to be stumped here but I do resolve to be a funnier and happier guy, more musical and to eat more chocolate.

The title says, ” Reading, Writing, Running & Rhythm.” I’d say more of the above is a good place to start as we head into 2015.  And more of this:

This Was A Dream I Did Not Want To Have.

They were sharing coffee.  The room was warm and noisy.  None of the other customers realized how important this conversation was going to be.

” Tell me, ” she said.

” Lots of stress in my life lately I suppose although when you’re knee deep in it you think  – I’m only in a little trouble.  The problem is that my knee deep and your knee deep might be two different things and maybe my knee deep is your over my head deep.  In any case I woke up this morning and my first thought is – This is a dream I did not want to have.”

” And ?”

“And so there I am, there I was.  I’m in New York City and it’s a beautiful spring day.  The sky is blue, trees in full – green everywhere, very pleasant temperatures.  It’s just perfect.  The perfect kind of day you dream about.”

” And then she shows up after 35 years only she’s not in her 60’s.  No, she’s 30 years old again but I’m my real age, I’m me right now.  How can this be?”

Shaking her head she says ” I have no clue but your brain dug really deep last night for a reason I can’t begin to imagine.”

” Me neither.  Not only is it a sunny, sunny day but she is as bright as the sun in her looks and disposition.”

” What did you do?”

” I felt like a ghost, like I wasn’t there but I was.  I fumbled my words and staggered around.  I couldn’t walk very well and I felt like I weighed about a thousand pounds.”

The noise level in the coffee shop picked up so he leaned in closer to be heard.

” She was happy, really ebullient.  So I guess I should be grateful for that.  But she acted as though what took place between us all those years ago didn’t matter.  We didn’t talk about what happened back then but it was on my mind. She was still young and in that place.  It was as though she had never aged. She was as happy as we both were back then.”

He went on hoping to finish up.  ” I tried to forget the dream so I could put it behind me but I knew that it was too important and so I wrote it in a notebook.”

He sat back.  ” I don’t know what it means.  It was more haunting than wonderful.  She didn’t seem to be troubled.  Can you be haunted by a dream that has a sunny day, blue skies and smiles cause I sure am.”

His friend said, ” Here is what I think.  Your brain and mind went looking for a good place to be.  At first they thought that being with her again would be safe and happy for you but with you still being your real age and she being a kid again, well, that part I just don’t get.”

” I did bang my head last week at work” he recalled, ” I saw stars for a few minutes, hurt like hell.”

She laughed.  ” I don’t think that is the reason for your dream although it would be interesting if you started having similar dreams.”

His coffee was cold.  ” You know, just when you start to think that you have a handle on things something like this comes along.”

Then she frowned,” This is really bothering you isn’t it?”

He sat back and forced a smile. ” I guess that maybe this is the start of some great brain exorcism where I unload some of my past and make room for things to be. I don’t know what the reason for it is.  I’m pretty optimistic these days, I have lots of friends who care about me, especially you so I have a lot to be thankful for.”

Leaning in he said, ” I just don’t get it.”

“Not everything is clear the first time around,” she continued, ”  In the long run it will either make sense or it won’t.  Maybe she had the same dream.  Wouldn’t that be something? Maybe she’ll call you although I have to say that I wouldn’t be too happy about that but if she does then she does and we’ll both deal with it when and if the time comes.”

He sat back feeling sad but safe.  ” Let’s get out of here.”

Sad but safe was not such a bad place to be.

 

 

 

 

 

All The News That Fits We Print

Tags

economy, gas, recession

Picked up the NY Times this morning at the local coffee shop.  The name of the shop does not contain the word ” Star or Bucks.”   So lest you think I’m some kind of lefty, east coast elitist I only read the Times once a week or so when I’m buying an overpriced cup of coffee.

Headline that caught my eye – ” Middle Class seeing benefits as recession ends.”  Which middle class and which recession because the middle class to which I belong sure seems to be parked in neutral, stuck on steep hill with a burned out clutch and a faulty parking brake.  (Enough metaphors for ya?)

Next headline – ” Cheap gas prices driving down profits for energy companies.”  Oh – Boo Hoo.  And now somehow because gas is cheap and I can fill up my car for less than 3 grand every two weeks the economy will suffer and it will be MY fault that we plunge right back into the recession ( see above) that I’m not so sure has really ended.

If I had a swimming pool I would drain the water and fill it with unleaded 89 octane.

That would be a real nifty savings account and I’d be ready for the next recession.

Unrelated note – The radio in my car has gone south meaning it doesn’t work well anymore.  I get static all over the am and fm dial.  The car is 7 years old.

The dealer says ” Yeah, well, electronics sometimes go bad.”  I say in my best old guy trapped in a world he no longer understands voice ” I’ve been driving for umpty nine years and this has never happened before.”  I feel like Uncle Joe on Petticoat Junction as the words tumble from my brain and out of my mouth.

The  dealer puts the last nail in my coffin by saying ” Welcome to the wonderful, new world of electronics” which must be very comforting to anyone who has a pacemaker tucked in above their left ventricle.

Yeesh.