Where to start? Maybe with Uncle Right Wing and his glee trying to stir up trouble at yesterday’s family gathering.
I see this one coming from 10 miles out and try to melt into the living room sofa wearing a shirt and a face that match the wall paper. I told him not to start anything. That was like waving a red flag in front of a bull and off he went. The biggest losers in all this are of course the relatives who were not in attendance.
You know – relatives? People you wouldn’t choose as friends but you have to pretend to like.
The no show relatives get killed. Their no show kids get hammered too but it’s their own fault for posting details of their unhappy lives on Facebook. Thank goodness Uncle B has a giant flat screen tv and the cable is holding out.
I’m now camped by the nuts ( sorry Tina), the salty kind you eat not the ones who walk on two legs and to whom I’m vaguely related to by marriage.
Uncle RW’s wife who thinks that the sound of her voice is so glorious that everyone should want to hear it all the time starts in on her healthy living, healthy planet, healthy health tirade. Ms. Natural has breast implants and drives an SUV the size of a small house. Healthy -Schmealthy. The cable is still hanging in there.
The meal passes without incident. Uncle RW retires to the sofa, falls asleep starts to snore. At least he’s not talking anymore.
He wakes with a snort and begins talking about how high his property taxes are. I’m thinking about stuffing salted nuts into my ears. Cable – still working, Eagles winning.
Lastly he tells me how great his retirement will be because he won’t have to work anymore and he’ll have a handsome regular income. I think about putting more salted nuts into my ears only he’s cleaned out the nut dish.
And then it’s over. He and his wife announce they are leaving and taking their healthy lifestyles and high property taxes with them. The dog keeps biting my ankles. I seem to be her favorite target today. I’m also probably the favorite target at the other family gathering I’m not at today.
The cable works like a champ.
There are things to be thankful for today.