One time, years ago, we had around 32 relatives from both sides of the family at our house for Thanksgiving.  It was great. We cobbled together a main table that ran from our dining room out into the living room.  It must have been 12 feet long.  It was great too.

It was a swell time but it will always be remembered as ” The year Aunt Helen fell down the stairs.”  This is true, I swear.  She was walking down the stairs, missed the bottom step and slammed into the wall at the bottom of the stairs.  Sadly, her eyesight had seriously degenerated by that point in her life.  Apparently on the ride home she kept complaining about sore ribs but no one took her seriously.  Two days later I got a call saying that she had only cracked two ribs.  What a relief!

This was also the year that it took my sister and her family 5 hours just to get off Long Island on Thanksgiving Day for the drive here.  Once they hit Jersey they still had a good four hours on the turnpikes before they would arrive in Lancaster.

So, the turkey is cooked, all the trimmings are ready, almost everyone is here but we can’t eat because really NOT everyone is here.  I forget the actual time that we had planned to eat but it was clear that the Long Islanders were going to miss the dinner bell.

My Mom says – We’re not eating until EVERYONE is here!  EVERYONE here says we are too eating and so I’m caught between a rock, my Mom, a hard place, the other side of the family and the turkey.  Luckily for all involved  (mostly me) the late comers arrive just before the Mexican turkey standoff gets ugly, the food gets cold and Aunt Helen passes out from the pain.

Now you know why I specifically asked not to let any of my relatives know about the blog.

I seem to recall that for years that certain radio stations would play all 18 minutes and 37 seconds of ” Alice’s Restaurant” on Thanksgiving day.  We would do well to honor that tradition.


I saw an item on the news where two guys pitched a tent in front of a Best Buy last Monday, November 18 in anticipation of Black Friday.  I didn’t catch the specifics since I tend to watch the news with the sound turned off.  You should try it.  Anyway, one of the two bubs was hoping to get a good price on a flat screen teevee.  Yeah, it seems to me that sleeping in a parking lot for 11 days is worth the noble quest. Whatever.

Enjoy the day wherever you are and while you are sitting at the table tomorrow passing on the steamed cauliflower, brussels sprouts and Aunt Kitty’s artichoke souffle hum a few bars of Alice to yourself, smile a knowing smile and remember:

Happy Thanksgiving      unnamed